My Family Soil


Nicole Wong

  • The women didn’t make it
  • onto my family tree,
  • the dreams they birthed
  • or didn’t,
  • and so I cling to my great-grandmother’s story,
  • shape the details of her life
  • like clumps of damp soil in my hands,
  • to understand
  • where my defiant nature comes from.
  • She wasn’t supposed to live,
  • so the family story goes:
  • dropped into the river as a newborn,
  • cast outside the house as a child,
  • tossed into the pond by her father.
  • I feel pride
  • that she was the rare woman in her village
  • who knew how to swim.
  • But while I swim to shed the day’s layers,
  • to float for a moment under blue sky,
  • I can feel her muscles pumping to get ashore,
  • lungs gasping, 
  • swimming across time.
  • My great-grandmother grew rice
  • and sugarcane
  • to keep the family alive.
  • Her fingers may never have lingered 
  • by choice
  • in the soil,
  • I can’t know, and yet,
  • when I grow chrysanthemum from seed,
  • recognize the flowers
  • and lay eyes on the stems,
  • an echo ripples somewhere 
  • inside my body.
  • When I walk,
  • I search for her steadiness in my step,
  • my feet in her unbound feet.
  • They said no one would marry her
  • because she resisted binding.
  • But her future husband wanted someone strong,
  • and she gave birth to eleven children.
  • She was the one who taught the family to farm,
  • who made the best soy sauce in the village,
  • who loved brandy,
  • who broke the rules.
  • I don’t want to force meaning,
  • harvest only the ripest parts of her story,
  • clumsily,
  • for my use,
  • but learning about her fortifies something in me,
  • unearths my hidden geography.
  • Is that not legacy?
  • We grew in different times and places:
  • she in our homeland,
  • me in this nextland,
  • the sweat tracing 
  • distinct patterns across our skin,
  • but the water is the same,
  • and somehow, she continues to feed me,
  • and I her.

Nicole Wong (she/her) is a poet, singer, and lover of food and plants studying City Planning at MIT.